Winning the Race

We've had some bad days.  While the move did go well like I posted earlier, we have had some bad days.  Not terrible, but not too pleasant either.  There are lots of tantrums, screaming, arguing, hitting, hair pulling and whining.  I realize this comes with the territory of having two two year-olds and a four year-old but I'm also noticing a pattern.

The other day Cole had to be at his school at 9 A.M. for his preschool open house.  I dropped the twins off with his mom (just one of the perks of her working at the school!) and then rushed Cole and Laina to the elementary to be on time.  I wanted to be "The Mom."  You know, the one who has everything perfectly organized, her child perfectly groomed...and then you throw in my love for and experience in the classroom and I think I've got this role of "The Mom" made.  I'm a shoe-in!

Yeah.

What happened instead was me not getting all of us out the door in time, forgetting to wipe Cole's face from his cinnamon toast breakfast, putting his important medical form in my purse with Laina's uncapped bottle, only to have it leak all over my cell phone, wallet and melting that medical form to sticky shreds.  In the midst of yelling at Cole while he threw a fit that he didn't get to play on the playground like the twins, holding the door to the kids' bedroom shut with Maurah having an outrageous tantrum on the other side and multiple other little events that could mirror both of these images I've portrayed, I came across this post and I realized that I'm not "The Mom."  I'm "That Mom."  "That Mom" is the one that's always rushing because she never leaves herself enough time.  "That Mom" is always checking off her list but nothing ever seems to get accomplished.  "That Mom" can get overwhelmed at the littlest of things.  "That Mom" is forgetful and one of the biggest things she forgets is how her kids need her.  I never wanted to be "That Mom."

I'm realizing that a lot of my kids' negative behaviors are a result of a behavior either Jake or I have shown them or the fact that I don't leave enough room in my schedule...a.k.a. my LIFE...to just love on my kids.  When the fighting happens, I'm typically not in the room.  When the tantrums happen, we're usually hurrying somewhere or other.  When my kids throw fits at the word "no", it's probably because I've used it an awful lot that day.  I realize they're selfish too and want what they want when they want it....but mostly, it's me choosing to want other things over time on the floor, engaging in their worlds.  How hard is it to eat a delicious meal the girls have made in their kitchen set?  Or to build a fun city with Cole's blocks?  Or to sing songs and dance silly with Laina in tow?  You would think that sounds more fun than checking off a cleaning list, wouldn't you?

This is one of my favorite pictures of Hayden.  It's a little blurry but I still love it.  Jake had just gotten done building this robot with Cole and the girls and they were all so proud of the time and effort they took to make him together.

How crazy to think that moments like these can be had whenever a list is completed.  I may not be "The Mom" and, while I'm sure there will be many times that I'll be "That Mom," the most important thing is that I'm their mom...and I want to be a mom who really was there.