I have realized since moving that I am a person who needs community. I thrive off of relationships with other people, particularly those who encourage me in my faith. While I don't want to make our new home and new church sound like it's completely inept at building community, I must say that I haven't been so alone ever before. Full-time ministry is a strange thing....people think you've "got it" - that you are spiritually above, therefore needing no support or encouragement in your own walk. I have never desired discipleship more than I do now. Looking back, I realize that the kind of discipleship I had in Michigan and Chicago was found more in every day occurrences, not necessarily in a set meeting time with the same person each time. I was discipled before and after I baby-sat my pastor's kids, in the youth Bible study I co-led, in the coffee times I had with different women in the church, and even Sunday mornings as I sat and listened to someone I knew had a passion for the Word.....no matter which pastor was preaching that morning!
So now that I find myself in a place that lacks a community for Jake and me to be a part of, my question is, how do I fill that hole? As Jake and I talked about this yesterday, I realized that I am trying so hard to keep afloat in my faith, and since November, I've been trying pretty much on my own. Jake says that that's just how things happen in ministry and that we need to try and find ways to challenge ourselves.....but I just can't accept that now that we're in ministry, we are on in island when it comes to our own relationships with Christ. Maybe I am depending on others too much, allowing them to influence my life more than I should. And, as I cry out for relationship with someone....ANYONE!.....I think, "Is this where God wants me right now? Does He not want me to have anyone there? Is He trying to teach me something I wouldn't learn if I was surrounded with community?"
I'm sure this sounds like a bunch of rambling.....sorry for that. I guess I'm just feeling a bit lost....if you have any advice, please share!