Uncertainties

I have been so blessed by the world of blogs.  In the last couple of weeks, I've had two blogs in particular speak into my life with the exact words I've needed to hear, at the exact time I needed to hear them. 

Another change has come into our lives.  At this point, I'm wondering why I'm still shocked when this happens.  As of 7:30 PM yesterday, we are moving to Michigan to live with Jake's parents during this time of transition.  Is it ideal?  Absolutely not.  Will there be a ton of adjustment for all of us?  You'd better believe it.  I think six extra people living anywhere is an adjustment, especially when four out of the six are under the age of five!  Is this the best thing for our family?  I really believe so.

Without being too dramatic, this is a day that I am a complete ball of emotions.  I swing from one end of the pendulum to the other. 

I'm excited about being by family and friends we haven't been around for four years BUT I'm sad to say goodbye to people who we love here. 

I'm ready for Cole to start school and looking forward to that new chapter in our lives BUT I'm scared he won't get into the preschool I'm wanting and then what do we do? 

I'm ready to be a part of our old home church and dive back into the ministries and small groups with people we know and love BUT we've been gone a long time and the church has changed.  What if we don't fit right in again?

I'm excited to spend time with friends like the "old days" BUT they still have their lives and jobs that have continued since these last four years and I don't want to be the needy friend who wants to get together all of the time. 

I love Michigan and everyone there so much that I know this in between time will be wonderful BUT will it be so wonderful that I'll be devastated having to leave it again?

We are wandering in the desert.  We don't know where we're going.  The age old question we all ask ourselves at some point or another is pressing on my heart so forcefully.  Where do I belong?  And, I'll add, that Satan is quick to jump on this insecurity of mine and magnify it all the more.

This is where the land of blogs comes in to play.  On Angie's blog, she writes of how God knows us and knows what we need.  We don't need to give Him an entire rundown of what is happening in our lives and what we so desperately desire for Him to do.  I love how she uses the example that she knew when her daughter was crying that she needed her lamb and pacifier.  She knew this because she knows her. 

As a mom, I resonated with this story because there are so many times that I've known what my children need without them even telling me.  We've all experienced this in some way or another, right?  And if that's the case, how much more does my Heavenly Father know what I need?  Angie's blog post brought me so much comfort just in the reminder that God DOES know before a word is even on my lips.  He knows my innermost cries - even the ones I wouldn't share with anyone else.  Seriously, you have to check out her blog if you get a chance.  It's beautiful and I've learned so much.  Can you tell I want you to go there since I'm linking to it so much?!?

Again today, after my great insecurities kept rolling in my mind and I was fighting to keep them at bay, I came across the latest post on Beth Moore's blog.  Her daughter, Amanda, wrote on stepping away from ministry to concentrate more on her family.  She mentioned Satan's lies of how she wouldn't be important any more now that she wasn't working full-time.  This is exactly what is running through my head!  "You won't fit anywhere.  No one has time for you.  You have nothing to offer now."  Ah!  It's excruciating.  It's one of those things where I know I know I know that they are lies and that I have to put my focus back on God but it's a constant struggle. 

The end of Amanda's post said this:  "I know that many of you reading this are desperate for your situation – whatever that may be – to change. Please know that when you cry out to the Lord, He hears you! He knows what you are going through. He is your Shepherd and He cares for you. Pray, pray, pray. First Peter 5:7-8 says, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” (NIV) I am asking God to show you His love, power and care right now."

I am desperate, but God hears me!  I may feel alone, but He knows me!  He WILL lift us up in due time...this gives me such peace.  I know in my heart of hearts that God's timing is perfect and mine is not.  That His ways are great and mine are like chaff.  I am clinging to my Father and casting all of my cares upon Him.  I am praying this will be a great time of growth in our dependence on Him. 

He is my hope.